Something Old, Something New

As she fiddled with her headpiece, Dip thought about the one-eyed teddy bear she’d dressed up in white all those years ago. He’d be so proud. They’d prepared for this moment together, her, the bear and her poor Barbie dolls; their plastic limbs contorted to give the everlasting impression of applause as her brother’s Buzz Lightyear “said” the final words; pronouncing her destiny. Dip felt a twinge of guilt, like a small papercut on her heart, that she hadn’t asked her father to bring that bear along today. 

The bear was something she should have remembered. She’d been preparing for this moment her whole life, as though trying to outgrow her own name; Serendipity. Dip was all about plans, not the unexpected. 

Bears and Barbie dolls became scrapbooks which turned to private Pinterest boards she still kept on her phone. She’d hidden that guilty obsession with textbooks and science degrees, as though she was a model dressing in old, baggy clothes, trying to disguise her beauty. But it had always been there, underneath; that fairy-tale ending. 

“Three.”

Three hours she’d been waiting here. Trying not to let her mind open up those doors, the ones with the neon “what if?” signs flashing in temptation like internet scams popping up, trying to get her to open them. She couldn’t fall into the dark fear hole of things not going to plan. She needed to focus on what was about to happen. 

Her walk was important. That’s what everyone would be watching. That’s the moment they’d remember. 

At the final rehearsal, Scott- Someone took her aside. He had been where Dip was now years ago, and still managed to work it into every conversation like hidden vegetables in a child’s dinner.

Scott had whispered under thick red wine breath; “I’ll share my secret with you, Serendipity.” He always said her name like it was private joke between them, even though Dip could count the times they’d spoken on one hand. 

“The first night’s going to be wild. You’re going to need to tie yourself down to get some sleep.” Scott winked at her. She’d never forget that wink. Like he was in on something she wasn’t. Like he belonged to something she’d never quite understand. To Dip, that wink meant he didn’t fully believe she was going to go through with it. 

“Two”

Two years of preparation for this day. Preparation that she was allowed to make public, that she didn’t have to hide in her fantasy lands. She’d seen statistics somewhere, a 0.06% rate that she’d be sitting here now, counting down to her moment.

Really, the countdown had started when he’d first asked the question. She could still remember the feel of his words on her, like warm water melting an ice capsule around her soul. 

“How do you feel about being the first woman on the moon?” The commander in chief had asked, expressionless.

“One…we have lift off!”

The earth shuddered. Dip hoped the bear had felt it.